letters

Son,

When I look at your face, I can only smile. You come to me as a ray of sunshine in a dark, dark world, like a faint hope in an otherwise forlorn existence, like a lilting melody breeching an ocean of silence, like playfulness in my desolate life. I need to take only one look at your face to forget the pains i was endowed, one unconscious turn of your head makes my heart gay and light. When your hand closes around my finger in your sleep, I shed a happy tear, the sound of your breath lulls me to sleep. When you cry because I am hurt, I have known love; in your naughty moments I have known innocence, in your naivety I have known childhood again.

I Love You,

Mom

We all live in fear. Not a fear of the immediate threats, but a fear of the unknown, a fear of the unnamed, the unseen, the abstract. That is probably the reason why we fear death, because it’s a journey into the unknown, though you the materialist, may say, our fear is because our self ends with death. i don’t agree, buts that’s besides the point. So it is in this constant sense of fear that we all live and die. We are born into it....the infant cries to convey every sensation, hunger, fatigue, pain and to fulfill every need. These are his fears. Then we learn a false sense of comfort, the mother's bosom, a caring touch, a lulling voice. And we forget. The original fear we were born into. Hence, every time we leave the comfort of a security, the security of a relationship, the relationship with a loved one, it's this fear that grips and churns the heart, clutches the soul. I cannot reassure you my friend, because you are a materialist and I know not the future. But I can tell you that I walk the path with you, as do the rest of humanity. This fear resides in every man that was born and that will be born. A few, very few, have risen above this fear and it is their names that shine in the golden pages of history. I shall pray that you be one of those but let me caution you yet, that even these "chosen few" have only risen above this fear, not vanquished it. So, my friend, weep not, if the fear consumes u, do not demean yourself for living in fear, learn that it is but the inevitable. Then maybe, if you are lucky, you may realize that 'all u have to fear is the fear itself'.
--
Love,

Sujatha.

"Love me like a lovely dream..." --Flavien Ranaivo

Dearest S, My Love,

You question in all your Arien naivety some of the most
profound truths of the world. It is this wedding that you
refer to that has been pondered over by the best of philosophers...
and yet it still remains a conjecture. Why does day wed the night
 in the glorious hour of dusk? why do warm passion filled summers
 blend in with the cold savage winter days in golden autumn?
Why do we find ourselves on the indiscernible verge of truth and falsity?
 Why do our emotions hover over the gray limits that separate love and hate?
Has any one ever found an answer to these? Is there ever a reason?
 Come honey, let us walk this craggy path...let us tell ourselves
 that there is a reason we live - but haven't found it yet....let us keep
the torch of hope blazing. Do you think we shall survive the crushing,
 staggering "realities" for a millisecond, otherwise?

Suji

On Thu, April 19, 2007 5:24 am, she wrote:

> 

> 

> Dear Sujatha,

> Why the brightest of the days have to be wedded to the

> darkest? Why there is a mesh of the unkwown with the people we know? You

> said one day thet the momemt you find that there is a reson , a reason to

> nurture you and bring light in your dark days, quench the thirst of your

> ever thirsty soul right at that moment. you came like a light that

> connotes life in a mad mad and mad way. there were times when you reminded

> me of sabik, her silence , her laughter for sure . just keep the faith in

> me living , with loads of love

> 

> S.

> 

S, My Love,

The blur of time is the greatest medicament. Nothing treats or heals pain and blessed that we are, with a capacity to feel such giant proportions of it, I see no solace. The sadness that churns your insides is the same that clutches my soul, ravages my spirits and ails my mind. I know what you feel, fellow pilgrim that I am, in this journey to nothingness. Bless your smile; my day seems better; when I laugh at the small nothings that we exchange, when I see the gray clouds gather-promising a shower, when I hear the lusty notes of a husky voice, smell the milky breath of my son, see the dirty yellow of a buxomly moon, shudder at the concupiscent touch of a teasing zephyr, I see the semblance of happiness, the illusion of Love. It is these inconsequential baubles that we must adorn, trinkets that we must wear to don the garment called Life.

Bless You.

And I am taking care.

Suji

On Thu, April 19, 2007 4:43 am, she wrote:

>

>

> Dear dear Sujatha,

>

>

> I do not why this sadness grips me , where from it comes and where it

> takes me . i do not feel like to speak any word, i want to be blind in the

> darkness of pain, deaf by the gong of time, speechless and nothing and

> nothing ........... in this world can make me happy.

>

> take care , love , S

Labels: diaries, emotions, letters, mail