letters
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Lessons
It is 7. 43 am, 16th April 2009. Mama learnt a precious lesson in Love and humility early, rather early, this morning. From you? A three year old? But when did Wisdom depend on one's age?
Mama ended her usual sermon that goes like "Eat your mum-mum, be a good boy" etc. with an "I love you, Son". Indignant, you said "Mama, you always saying I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you". Mama was confused. She retorted, "Ok, I'll not say it to you anymore". But your reply left your Mama speechless. "No Mama, you say I love you and you love me too"
How could Mama forget YOUR Love, Son? Or did she think you are not capable of Love at 3? Perhaps you alone have realized that Love is respect, of caring for others. Perhaps Mama has failed her test of humility.
Mama
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
To S again...
Love
Suji
Monday, December 31, 2007
Be My Woman...The Reply
I shall impart you my soul
Infuse you with my own life breath
Teach you tenderness and combat;
Philosophy and poetry; rhyme and rhythm
Make you in my own likeliness
As you call me "Mother".
Storm into my cognizance
I shall share with you my playthings
Lend you my friendship, my faith
Teach you fights and forgiveness
Chiding and childhood; turmoil and trust
As you cling on to my tresses
And call me thine beloved - “Sister”.
Wander into my life
I shall wipe your bitter tears
Offer you my soul; my gauzy dreams laid bare
Teach you my love and hatred
Pains and pleasures; vices and virtues
Evince the hues of heaven
Be your treasured, cherished “Missus”
Forgive you I shall not-
The scathing infidelities thine
As you took the sheen of my soul
And tossed it nonchalantly aside
Hurt and humiliation, anguish and ache
I was accorded; they remain mine
And I shall remain yours, “Remorse”.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
To Raj
Ur right...they never die.They live on, in those who love them. They haunt our hopes, creep into the indiscernible dreams of our darkest nights, breath life into our gauzy morning languor, crowd us in the loneliest of evenings and walk with us in the deserted alleys of the city. As we cry our crystal teardrops, they cheer their own victory...they never leave.
Suji
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Deliberately left incomplete......
Where do I start of? How do I end? I feel like pouring my heart out to you...talk of my life, my dreams, aspirations, my sufferings, my anguish, my pain , my very being....but how do I? You are my son, my baby , my lifeline, part of my flesh and blood...I am not around to protect you and to shelter you from the storms of life...to cherish, to keep alive your smile even in the darkest hours of life...I couldn't. Death, the vile one, came by stealth and stole my breath away. But my love, your mother will fight ...for your sake alone....I will never leave you to the ravages of the world, never alone and never ever lonely. Every day you wish I were around, believe that I am around you; weeping in your disappointments…I shall smile heartily at your rejoicing. Only that you may not be able to see me or even hear me. You shall always feel my presence. I read the Little Prince as a child….and I believe as the book advocates that the most beautiful things in life are often the ones we cannot see. “What makes the desert beautiful is the fact that it hides a well somewhere”. Do not let the world and its people hurt you son, with all its myopia, and its mundane prosaicness. People haven’t learnt yet to rise above themselves. You certainly shall. Because you are my son. I have known unbounded happiness when I have heard your laughter son, I have throbbed with the pulse of life when you have lovingly looked into my eyes and called me “Amma”, I have survived days by the strength of the love we have borne each other and I have lived a life called “you”. Believe in yourself son, because you have made such a difference to my life and you have been blessed with the ability to bring such joy into your mother’s life. If parent’s blessings do count, remember, your mother can only quote Browning…
“My whole heart rises up to bless
I shall walk every step of your life with you…my soul inseparably entwined with yours…
Friday, May 11, 2007
Letters to and from her (again)
Sweetheart,
I don’t love anymore. And I am not ashamed. I live and I believe and I know. He is my life and he exists somewhere in this wide, wide world. Every day he is scared that he may never find me, like I am scared sometimes. He wonders sometimes if he has seen me, where I am and he calls out my name, not knowing what it is. I wish to take his hand and tell him tales, talk of the stars, of dreams, of poetry and of music. He is wise- world wise and otherwise. He will know that love is what corrupted and pained our lives. We shall not talk of love. We shall not love. We shall simply live. I shall live a life called "him". And he a life called "suji". And those two will have all the intensity, the sensitivity to last an eternity. We shall not fester the pains that love feasts on.
With loads of life,
(Not love)
Suji
On Fri, May 11, 2007 3:15 am, she wrote:
>
> dear dear suji, Why did you see him? you told me yesterday that there was
> no love, every baby step that you take now is rational and reasonable.
> where from this unconsciousness crept in you? see it never dies. it stays
> somewhere even when there is no sun, even when the rains fly to desolate
> and far away lands. even when you perch hard in the verge of death there
> will be nothing .............yet something, somewhere will elude your
> senses, you benumbed senses. love never dies, what happens is that we grow
> out of loving for sometime, but never ever can we stop loving. we are fire
> and air - we make life possible with intensity , with gratitude and lastly
> with sensitivity. take care of yourself. loads of love, S
>
Dearest S,
I waited for him, again. He was there somewhere, I am certain. I could smell the musk he wears, his sweet sweat, the esthesis of his body, with every breath I took. I could hear his honeyed voice, speaking worldly words, murmuring, muttering- a husky laugh, an annoyed mumble, humming a tune (words indistinct). I could feel his coarse touch, the prick of his stubble against my cheek. He touched my lips, his rough fingers delicate on my lips, he teased my hair, held me round my waist, again. And when I turned, looked around. I could. All but see him. Why does he taunt me, thus?
Love,
Suji
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
To a friend (who thinks I should love without reason)
Please Stop
This Insanity
I Know
Loneliness Knows No Reason.
And Yet
I Do Not Seek Dreams Now
No Longer Russet Sunsets Will Make Me Shed Precious Tears
No Longer Will I Long For A Touch
For The Gentle Incline Of My Head On Your Chest
And Seek To Smell The Summer Sweat
And Your Mistress' Scent.
No More Shall I Shelter Your Sleep
From The Blinding Rays Of A Morning Sun
No Longer Shall My Ears Strain To Hear
Your Footsteps
And Sigh In Peace.
No More Shall
Your Voice Be My Melody
Your Breath My Air
Your Love My Life.
Forget I Will
I Must
And Drown In This Desert Sand
Called Reason
I Will Survive The Motions Of A Soulless Life
Long After You Are Gone
Do Not Silence My Cries, Beloved
With Well Crafted Words
Coz They Soothe Not
My Aching Soul
My Longing Heart
My Lonely Life
No
Not That Love Anymore
Not Love Again
Why Must I Dream
Of That Crimson Morrow
That Will Never Come
Of A Honey Soaked Words
That I Will Never Hear?
